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Joke Of Today: THE ELEVATOR


 A fifteen year old Amish boy and his father were in a mall.


 They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.


The boy asked, 'What is this Father?'

The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, 'Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is.'

While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, an old lady in a wheel chair moved up to the moving walls and pressed a button. 

The walls opened, and the lady rolled between them into a small room.

 The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small numbers above the walls light up sequentially.

They continued to watch until it reached the last number… 

and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order.

Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24-year-old blond stepped out.

The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son.....

'Go get your Mother'

Joke Of Today: This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all

 


This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all

these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid,

so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are

smart. While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is

going to paint a couple of rooms in the house.

The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets

down to the task at hand. Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and

smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living

room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat.

He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at

the same time.

He goes over and asks her if she is OK. She replies yes. He asks

what she is doing. She replies that she wanted to prove to him

that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by

painting the house. He then asks her why she has a ski jacket

over her fur coat. She replies that she was reading the

directions on the paint can and they said....

FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS.

A Husband And Wife Came For Counselling. What Follows Next Is Funny.


After 35 years of marriage, a husband and wife came for counselling.

When asked what the problem was,

The wife went into a tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the years they had been married.

On and on and on neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable – an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured.

Finally, after allowing this for a sufficient length of time,

The therapist got up, walked around the desk and after asking the wife to stand, he embraced and kissed her long and passionately as her husband watched – with a raised eyebrow.

The woman shut up and quietly sat down in a daze.

The therapist turned to the husband and said,

“This is what your wife needs at least 3 times a week. Can you do this?”

“Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I fish.”

This has to be one of the most awkward gynecologist visits ever

 


This has to be one of the most awkward gynecologist visits ever. This woman will certainly never forget this one-of-a-kind experience that made her blush. Once you read her story you’ll understand why she is never visiting that doctor again. This is simply hilarious.


I was due for an appointment with the gynecologist later in the week. Early one morning, I received a call from the doctor’s office to tell me that I had been rescheduled for that morning at 9:30 am. I had only just packed everyone off to work and school, and it was already around 8:45 am.


The trip to his office took about 35 minutes, so I didn’t have any time to spare. As most women do, I like to take a little extra effort over hygiene when making such visits, but this time I wasn’t going to be able to make the full effort.


So, I rushed upstairs, threw off my pajamas, wet the washcloth that was sitting next to the sink, and gave myself a quick wash in that area to make sure I was at least presentable. I threw the washcloth in the clothes basket, donned some clothes, hopped in the car and raced to my appointment.


I was in the waiting room for only a few minutes when I was called in. Knowing the procedure, as I’m sure you do, I hopped up on the table, looked over at the other side of the room and pretended that I was in Paris or some other place a million miles away.


I was a little surprised when the doctor said, My, we have made an extra effort this morning, haven’t we? I didn’t respond.


After the appointment, I heaved a sigh of relief and went home. The rest of the day was normal… Some shopping, cleaning, and cooking. After school when my 6-year-old daughter was playing, she called out from the bathroom, Mommy, wheres my washcloth?


I told her to get another one from the cupboard.


She replied, No, I need the one that was here by the sink, it had all my glitter and sparkles saved inside it.


Never going back to that doctor again…Never.

Viralfunnyjokes: COWBOY MAKES THREAT IF HE DOESN’T GET HIS HORSE BACK, THEN REVEALS HILARIOUS TRUTH


A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink.

Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on strangers, which he was. When he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen.

 He went back into the bar, handily flipped his gun into the air, caught it above his head without even looking and fired a shot into the ceiling.


“Which one of you sidewinders stole my horse?!” he yelled with surprising forcefulness. No one answered.


“Alright, I’m gonna have another beer, and if my horse ain’t back outside by the time I finish, I’m gonna do what I dun in Texas! And I don’t like to have to do what I dun in Texas!


Some of the locals shifted restlessly. The man, true to his word, had another beer, walked outside, and his horse has been returned to the post. 

He saddled up and started to ride out of town. The bartender wandered out of the bar and asked, “Say partner, before you go… 

what happened in Texas?” The cowboy turned back and said, “I had to walk home.”

EXTRA JOKE 

A guy was admitted to the hospital and he fell in love with the nurse.


She used to take care of him and very nice to him. Always checking up on him and giving him extra attention compared to other patients. Therefore, the guy thought that the nurse was into him as well.


The guy was shy and couldn't ask the nurse out on date. But after he was discharged, he somehow managed to get the number of the nurse and messaged her: "Hi, I'm the patient you looked after. I've been thinking about it and I think you've stolen my heart".


The nurse didn't reply for two days and the patient was sure that he won't be getting any reply from her.


Then out of the blue, she replied: " Whatever you are accusing me of is not true. We only took one kidney out".

Viralfunnyjokes: Husband Cheats On His Wife & Gets Postcard From Mistress That ...

Married man sends his mistress to another country. Her postcard to him is priceless.

A very rich married man was having an affair with an Italian woman. One night, she confided in him that she was pregnant.


The man not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, told the Italian woman he would pay her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child and if she stayed in Italy to raise the child he would also provide child support until the child turned 18.


The Italian woman was skeptical but she agreed. She then asked how he would know when the baby was born. To keep it discreet, he told her to simply mail him a post card and write “spaghetti” on the back. And once he got the postcard he would then arrange for the child support to begin.


One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife. “Sweetie,” she said, “you received a very strange post card today from Italy.”


“Oh, just give it to me and I’ll explain it later,” he said.


The wife said ok and then watched as her husband read the card, turned white and fainted.


On the card was written : spaghetti, spaghetti, spaghetti. Two with meatballs, one without. Send extra sauce. 😅😅😅

DO YOU DRINK BEER

Do you drink beer?

 Woman: Do you drink beer? Man: Yes

Woman: How many beers a day?

Man: Usually about 3

Woman: How much do you pay per beer?

Man: $5.00 which includes a tip

Woman: And how long have you been drinking?

Man: About 20 years, I suppose

Woman: So a beer costs $5 and you have 3 beers a day which puts your spending each month at $450. In one year, it would be approximately $5400 …correct?

Man: Correct

Woman: If in 1 year you spend $5400, not accounting for inflation, the past 20 years puts your spending at $108,000, correct?

Man: Correct

Woman: Do you know that if you didn't drink so much beer, that money could have been put in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting for compound interest for the past 20 years, you could have now bought a Ferrari?

Man: Do you drink beer?

Woman: No

Man: What color is your Ferrari?

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